How did you become the way you are?

Something tonight came up that was quite interesting........ i won't say how because it's kinda weird.......... but it got me thinking as to what kind of person are ..........YOU? and how do other people look at you? Mmmmmm, are they two different things? What kind of person are YOU in different situations in life? Ever wondered how your reactions procure a reaction from other people? Well, let's start off with life's basics and see how far i go until i decide i don't know what i'm talking about or until you decide you or i don't know what i'm talking about or until you become irritated by what i say =)

Now, in society, in order to 'get along' you have to have quite a lot of tolerance. We're taught that our opinions might not be the same as other people's opinions, so it's not right to force your opinions on someone who has a different opinion. So in that case, even if we do have different opinions about something, what we should do is be able to express ourselves in a mild manner and not let that blood boil.

I guess this post should really be called "patience and tolerance" rather than what it is. But i think all of this really relates because every person's upbringing is related to how they are right now. The fact that kids nowadays are being pampered, spoilt and treated a bit too well sometimes seems clearly out of hand to me............ now............. this doesn't go without saying that i'm not sure how i would treat MY kids when i grow up, but i'm sure i'll be asking my mum and my aunties for help coz i think the strict-ness i had ages ago was kinda helpful, but i also know that it wasn't strict enough.

Kids today are being disobedient to their parents at a faster rate than ever before. My sister told me that when she was in HK she saw this 6-7 year old girl literally yelling and telling her mum off in public about something materialistic or something that was just not right. In my opinion that's pretty hardcore. You wonder how that child came to be like that and what kind of teachings would the mother have had, if any, that she would have utilised that allowed this child to behave in such a disrespectful manner. Well..... we're all being too easy on each other nowadays............. i remember that when i was a kid, i'd sometimes get hit by the "goong yun" aka guardians that brought me up. But only sometimes...... they'd punish us with other stuff...... like swallowing spoonfuls of chilly........ that absolutely killed!!....... what else was there... mmm... can't remember.... but despite all the harsh times back then........... i'm pretty sure it's nothing compared to what my mum's generation would have faced....... my mum told me that my grandma used to beat the living hell out of her brother because he didn't like studying and abllbablabl and he'd have a pretty hard time walking the next day........... but yer........... is morals everything to life?

Morals most certainly guide your life and mould you into a person that does the proper things, but how does emotions play on morals? Learning to control your emotions is totally different from having good morals......... you can be courteous and nice to people but be a real lashing out, darn right despicable person when you're angry and frustrated.......... so how does one learn to control their emotions?

You learn through sufferings. When you've suffered......... i mean REALLY suffered......... not just suffered in the way of "awww you have to eat dinner half an hour late" or "awww you only get 6 hours of sleep tonight" or "awww you don't get your favourite meat dish tonight" ............ what im saying is if you've reallllyyyyyyyyyyy suffered....... if you've had to not sleep for 3-4 days straight........ if you've had to miss dinner and lunch for a few days straight, if you've been forced to eat things that you don't like to eat or be punished maybe physically, if you've had to walk 4-5kms home from school carrying all your bags, sport equipment, musical instruments etc, if you've had to do everything that you don't normally do.......... when you're pushed beyond your comfort zone........ not just occassionaly....... but when you're pushed passed it all the time......... morals ain't gonna play much part in things...... you're gonna need some control........... you're gonna need some anger/frustration/blood boiling control.........

I remember that in high school......... (as the igs bunch would be reading)......i'm pretty sure......... that i started taking public transport to school .... to and from..... since maybe grade 1 or 2 everyday. It's not a huge feat for a guy really..... that's when i started cello too. Through rain, through 35 degree days, i had to carry school bag with all my books, sports gear, badminton bag, full size cello........... and manage to carry it all onto bus and a train and walk..... of course u'd be sweating and all........ the skill of actually chucking it onto the bus is the problem....... the bus doorway is only a certain width...... you'd have to heave that cello upright then slot it through, then get that ticket out of ur pocket when the cello's standing upright, show the bus driver..... then get onto the bus and move ur way through alot of ppl so u can either sit down if you're lucky, or u'd just stand for the whole trip. Now.... of course there's times when you're late........ you're carrying all that stuff, running as fast as you can without dropping things, and BEFORE i got a hardcase for my cello, there was a spike sticking out of the end of the cello, so occassionally i'd actually get jabbed in the leg by that......... but yer........... what are you gonna do when things go wrong......... you miss the bus, you forgot your ticket, you're late for school, you forgot your sports bag, you don't have enough money for bus fare etc...........

Well, there's no use gettin frustrated about it coz it's only gonna end up worse, you're gonna feel worse, you're gonna waste energy........... no use crying about it coz there's nothing you can do about it anywayz.......... and as some of you might know........ my mum's a night person...... she sleeps later than normal, and she USED to wake up around 11-11:30am ish........ but nowadays she wakes up earlier.... but yer, she used to wake up late.... and back then........ waking mum up to ask "mum can u drive me" was like......... BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM you'd get the works........ the annoyed face, the yelling/telling you off for now being able to hear your own alarm, the scolding and if you're just calling her to drive u because u missed the bus and you have no valid excuse or if you're not late for anything important....... being late is MUCH MORE of a preferrable choice than gettin there on time and copping a yelling...... But........ is being harsh ....a little harsh? or is it kind? ........has it taught me that i should be able to do everything myself without being so dependent? has it enabled me to learn to face and suffer consequences that are my fault? I think so.....

When things go wrong in your life.......... you shouldn't take out your anger on another person or let those emotions run your life. Emotions are easily swayed. Just like in the last message i posted...... about someone being angry at one person which eventually backfires....... the bible says to be QUICK to listen, SLOW to speak, SLOW to anger. In order to learn how to control your anger, i think that you have to be subjected to something that doesn't go along with what you intended or planned and when that happens....... you have to try your hardest to make yourself believe and act like....... it doesn't matter. A good example would be like.......... ummmmm if you really wanted to buy something...... but then it was all sold out........ or......... your mum doesn't let you buy it. Do you chuck a fit and become grumpy because you can't have what you wanted....... what you've always dreamed for..... what you've longed to have for soo long?
The question would be...............do i really need it? Having it might be nice...... but do i need it? Sometimes not getting what you want is one of the most important lessons in life. I could go on for hours on end, but it's almost 3am and i wanna sleeeeeeeeeep, i can't be bothered thinking........ but if you've read this far, please click that "comments" underlined bit underneath this blog and share how you grew up and tell us how it's influenced the way you are now......... i've enabled anonymous posting, so anyone and everyone please :) That's right..... YOU......

tennis open

aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi

so we went to the aussie open, and it was gay coz leighton hewitt won, i dunno how to spell his name =p but yerrrrrrr, watched davenport kick butt tho =p Overall today wasn't too bad, had a bit of work in the day but yer at night tennis was good. Dot, Sam, Ez, Garry and I. I forgot to bring my camera though which was a shame. Garry had this huge thing for barracking for clement, until he ran out of breathe heheh. Besides that, ummmm, i had a subway =p

Gotta study tomorrow before i goto work at ANZ >.< Hopefully things will be good at ANZ, i'm a bit meh about it all.

Night

independence

You often go through a stage of your life where you want to grow up. You want to be able to do things that adults do, and you wanna be that right age so that you can do this and that, be out late at night without parents having to call you every 2 minutes to ask when you're coming home, who you're with, why are you with them, why you're out so late, balbablablablablbababla AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

But as you grow up you realise that independence and growing up is something that will come naturally and as much as you wanted it, when you realise that it's upon you and there's not much difference to your previous way of life, you decide that you wanna return to the "good ol days".

Has anyone ever considered why they do things? I mean.... if you think about everything.... it all comes to why are you living? for what purpose? ......... i asked a question to a colleague of mine today.... she was vegetarian.... she doesn't eat meat....... i asked her why...... she couldn't answer me......... it wasn't the usual "killing animals are cruel" or "the taste of it makes me sick" blablablabl that kinda stuff, she said she just doesn't eat it and there's no reason. I found that weird. There's always a reason for everything right? I mean, if you're doing something deliberately there's got to be a reason. Why do we breathe? to live. Why do we eat, coz we're hungry. yada yada yada. So anyhow that sparks a bit of an interesting idea which is not new. Ever wondered why you're doing everything in your life right now? Why are you going to uni, to school etc, to get a good job.... to finance ur future.... to provide for ur family.... to live in better conditions.... to live........mmmmm to live...... now why would u want to live? For the enjoyment? the pleasure? why do humans WANT to live? The crisis recently in Thailand and the islands etc have prompted so much mixed feelings i think it's way out of hand.

Firslty, there are those who are doing the right thing, by maybe donating what they can because we are more fortunate than those people, and in times of crisis, we are "people of earth" (in canto it's dei kao yun, or mandarin di qiu ren i think.... ) and we're not just australians or americans but we're one ppl, and we should help each other out. What disgusts me (maybe disgusts is a bit vulgar but it's late and i can't think of a nicer word) is that all these nations are competing to donate the most, to prove to the world how "generous" they are when they're just all darn up themselves and too proud for their own good.

I think being humble plays a BIG part in people's lives. Actually, before i dive in humility, i remember something i heard in a sermon both on mp3 and at church. Maybe you might think the two things aren't related or very very vaguely branched out related, but i think it has some relation in a way. The first one was from a sermon from some american dude, it talked about asking other people for help. It was saying, sure people should help each other, but ...(using names for example purposes) if you say... keep asking susan to help you do something and keep asking and keep asking and keep asking, eventually, susan won't give anymore. The element of giving is sometimes with the expectancy of receiving nowadays, aint that true? In the bible it says 'give and you shall receive' but if you look at it in context, you won't see that it's saying if u give money u'll receive some money back. That's the thinking that everyone has nowadays anyhow, "awwwww im a good person blablabla why do these things happen to me and not him" "awww i work harder than he does, how come he's getting that good job and i'm not" "awwww how come i don't smoke or drink or hang around smokers, and i have cancer and none of the other smoker friends i have, have got cancer?"

Oh, and the sermon at church, described dogs and cats. The way cats are, very independent, very concentrated on me me me, and serves himself and no master. Dogs are the opposite, man's best friend, servant heart etc. The cat's attitude is, i believe linked in a way to what i just mentioned, don't ask me how though.

So .....is this world really all about fairness? For those christians out there that are reading this, isn't fairness all about karma? And isn't karma all about buddhism? Well, if i'm mistaken and it aint buddhism, then i can tell u it's certainly not christianity. Was it fair for Jesus to come and take away OUR sins and die on the cross for OUR wrongs? Was it fair that he was nailed on that cross and we were set free?

At church, we talked about sufferings actually. Talked about Job. He was a guy who found favour in God's eyes and he was one of the most dedicated and well looked after (by God) person in the world back then. Satan tested Job and wanted to because he beleived he could prove to God that Job's faithfulness was due to his prosperity. Job went through many many relentless trials, death of his children, family, boils on his skin, mocking by his friends blablablabl but Job remained faithful and God rewarded him in the end, many times folded upon his previous wealth and prosperity. In Job's case, it was God's choice for rewarding Job then and there. But God has different plans for each and everyone.

Dot and I got into a small conversation about christianity the other night. We were talking about how the whole truth is sometimes scary for people, so a lot of the time, the 'good' word is spread.... so what about the 'bad' word? i mean.......as with most products on the market nowadays, you want to know the cons and pros of the product before you decide to buy it, you want to thoroughly investigate a product to see if it suits u or not before you spend the money (of course, for girls, this might not apply lolz) so there is something wrong in this picture. I think that people need to be more honest. I mean, there's good and bad times in life. When it's bad, don't feel like you have to hide it. Let it out. Sometimes, being depressed and talking and stuff is good, because it leads to interesting conversations.... otherwise it'll just be 'gday' and 'hows it going' every single day.

Currently i'm by myself at home. It's kinda good in a way. I'm learning really slowly to take care of myself heheh. It's quite late now and i should be sleeping but i think i'll finish this before i mip (don't worry if u dont get mip). But yer, the last 2 weeks, i've been working at ANZ, training, like outbound consultant... pretty much calling existing anz customers and seeing how their banking's going, then if opportunities arise, we intro a product that might help them reduce fees etc. It's not bad. But yeh, there's always something more to life than a job =) My friend, Justin, and i are gonna start a business. The success of the business is very reliant on being able to get businesses to agree with us. It's gonna be tough. I wanted to start asap but since jus is in perth, i think our chance of starting soon is slim.

So where was i, i skipped from humility to something or rather and i'm all lost. Oh yer, the giving and receiving. Today i experienced a bit of, what i thought was a bit of selfishness. Basically, at training today we had a bbq. Now, there's this indian dude who just came from india and stuff, he doesn't have a car bablabal and he wanted me to help him get the drinks which he didn't wanna get or something coz he had to take 2-3 modes of transport and didn't want to carry them, and since i have a car, then yer, so i said alright, and he said he'd pay me back abbalbalbl, i was fine with that. Today when i brought them, he thanked me and made it sound like it was like saving his life etc but yer i was like nah it's kewl. But throughout the day, and even yesterday like not only him but other people KEPT asking me to help them with their cod eof practice, compliance modules, setting up their email, abbalblablablal and i was like JUST READ THE THING AND FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS...... of course i didn't scream or yell or anything, but towards the end, i was getting reluctant with getting up from my computer and helping all of them. Now, the indian dude, Arul, was just being too persistent about it. He kept calling me to go over to his screen and help him with stuff. I've helped him like for days now, and i was just tired that they couldn't do their own stuff. So i decided today to just concentrate on my stuff and when they asked i jsut told him to look at the email and follow the instructions on the page............he got the point after i didn't respond to his calling for 2-3 minutes. But yer, after that, the whole day he ignored me. I was like mmmmmmmeh whatever.

That's the thing. Expectations from people. You can never satisft everyone. People are selfish and they don't know it. Like, there's no obligation for me to help him and by me refusing to help because i was just sick of "Eric can you come help me with this abbalbla" he thinks it's somehow offensive.

In any case, i'm the kinda person who wouldn't mind doing something for someone. Like, if i can help i'd help. If i can do something for someone so that it will cause less fuss and less arguments i'd do it. Rather than make something intoa big thing, i'd rather do something to reduce the complexities. I normally help out with church music in emergencies, i'd help someone do something if it meant they didn't need to argue with someone about doing the thing. Stuff like that, but being falsely appreciated isn't something i'm fond of. As all guys aren't....... i'm not a fan of fancy words when it comes to showing me who you truly are. I'm a guy who likes fewer words spoken but more action done. But mind you, the actions done don't have to be big. For example........ if someone was grateful to me for helping him do something bablababl and they thanked me etc i'd be kewl with that......although, lemme give u two scenarios, one i'd want rather than the other.....

1. They thank me, treate me to dinner etc, the next day or whatever they say hi to u laugh blabla then keep getting u to help them do this and that this and that, and think, oh i've treated him to dinner, he darn right should do some stuff for me

2. They thank me blaba, it's kewl, cya. Next day, at work we're working... say i drop a pen and walk off, i don't realise, when i come back he's picked it up and says oh u dropped ur pen.... i say thanks babal that's kewl.

Meh, so yer, i dunno, fake gratitude can only be told (seen) long term. Unlike today, that was a one day thing, with other human friendships, it can take upto years to find out whether the friendship is merely a fake or real one....... so treasure ur friends........... they might not have to spend time with you all the time, but you know that they're not putting on some face to please u =p

Anyhow i think i should sleep......... if i wake up early tomorrow i might goto box hill to buy some meat =p gotta cook cook cook nite ppl