there's a cool breeze just softly, silently swiftling from the tiny cracks between my window sill and the wooden frame that holds tightly to the glass of my window, blowing in. If i put my face right up to the window i can feel the gentle soft breeze just tickling my face. It's currently 9:57pm, on a Sunday night, and it's raining ever so lightly outside, but i would wish ever so desperately that it would pour cats and dogs, and that there wouldn't be a single sound in the neighbourhood, no lights, no electricity, no nothing. Just the sound of my brain ticking away at life. It takes one uneventful night for someone to write a blog i realised. Either a night in which you feel like the world needs to hear you, or a night in which you wish no one noticed you at all.
Have you ever questioned yourself about where you're heading? For guys i know that it's one of those things that are in the back of our minds, that yeh, "we'll get there". But no, have you seriously thought about stuff? Not just the things that you're going to do tomorrow, the next week, what you're eating, what you're planning to study and stuff. For me, tonight's a night where i've been thinking....yer, contrary to beliefs that i hardly think, i do think at times, and even though i seem optimistic about things all the time, i'm one emotional person when i feel there's a need. There's things in my life that i feel passionate about. To name them frankly and plainly, they are.....God, my family, my friends and people who i hold close to me. Whether you're a friend who i haven't seen for a while, whether it's someone who i talk to almost everyday, i can say clearly that if there's a need, if you're in trouble and you called me and needed me i'd try my best to be there for you. Note: This does not apply to kfc trips, box hill trips, LAN trips etc =p
I think that idealism has it's flaws. Frankly speaking, someone can act idealistically yet it wouldn't be ideal. There's never one correct way to go about things, nor will one way satisfy everyone. The fact that we're all different and special in our own ways is proof for me, that God intended it this way so that we learn to adapt, and be compatible with other people. God deliberately gave us different languages to change us from being the same to being different. How does one person become good friends with another person then? Like Jon's post, there's always potential for someone to be friends with someone, sharing the same type of interests, going through the same type of things, but how can someone really stand another person for who they are? I think if you know a person inside out, not only them, but their habits, their eating/farting habits and their sleeping habits, you pretty much "know" who this person is, does this make you able to accept this person as a friend? maybe.... how about someone you can trust and rely on? mmmmmmmmm
Trust is something i think people have an idealistic view of. "Is Eric trying to say there's no such thing as complete trust?" MMMmmmmmmm, who knows. There's a difference between trust and something else that i can't think of the word for. You can trust someone that they wouldn't stuff up your computer whilst they're tearing through the insides of it, and if they've played with live electricity for yeras but does that make you NOT get worried when they do it? So does that mean you don't trust them? Or there's not enough trust? Sometimes people just think trust is a black and white thing. Trust Yes. Trust No. But when we say we trust someone, there's so much more involved than just that. We have to know the person inside out, how they do things, how they react, how they talk, their actions, their friends, their family balbabla every little bit that would affect their thinking and all possibilities before we can say, "i trust you" so is this phrase used too often too lightly? Moreover, when someone asks you to trust them, do we find it too easy to just say yes to end things rather than linger there thinking about all possibilities?
I'm looking at my wall at the moment, and coincidentally, now i'm dead serious, i have a poster it ACTUALLY says "With trust in God, we may not find the mountains smaller, but we will find the climbing easier". I think this phrase teaches us something. People shouldn't be closed-minded. Alot of the times, we never see solutions because we never see it in a form that we want it to be in. Expressing voltage as V doesn't mean that IR is not V. (For people who didn't do physics V = IR). This phrase is talking about the result of trust but not trust itself. Complete and honest and utter trust means there's not a single worry (about that particular thing). If i trusted my sister to say, do invitations for a birthday and she told me she would do it. If i completely trusted her, i wouldn't have to ask her again. Even 2 days before the party, she hadn't started, if i trusted her i'd leave it to her discretion. But as i said, things in life are never so simple. We're complicated beings, we're forgetful, we're sometimes stupid, sometimes we think we're intelligent and most of the times we're not.
Talking about all this somehow has made me think of chi qui =p I've taken his sax for a while now and i still haven't been able to meet up with him to goto the sax store and get the necessary items. I said i would do this with him but as we're both quite busy with uni and he lives far and he does stuff on weekends and so do i, i've let time slip by. I should really do it after exams and not neglect his niceness for lettin me steal his sax for so long.
Circuits exam for me on Wednesday. Am i worried? Mmmm, maybe.... Am i prepared? Mmmmmm, maybe... Am i gonna freak out tomorrow night and get all jitty bug about it? Mmmmm most likely...... I'm planning to goto Alec's house tomorrow night to study circuits with him. I'm not sure about Jon, coz he always seems to be doing his own thing, so yer if you wanna come along jon, just drop over.
If you think that this blog is almost over because i'm not being airy fairy anymore, you're quite wrong..... i intend to blog for the next mmmm, maybe hour only because i don't feel like doing much work tonight, nor will anything sink in, plus i do intend to shower later and maybe talk to my sister, and talk to my mum. I haven't had a good heart to heart talk with them for ages, at least a 1-2 months now. I do wanna know what's going on in my sister's life, even though i know she's spending like years in the bailieu library hours on end. I think i might go study with her tomorrow
The mind works in funny ways, and very differently for people. I realised there's really different aspects of "stage fright". For me, when i was in high school, i used to be sooo scared if i was asked to take my cello and perform a solo on stage. I'd get sweaty hands, i'd play wrong notes, i'd go out of tune, timing would go bad etc. etc etc. so i'd be playing below par. But on the other hand, if i was asked to play badminton, in front of a crowd, i'd actually play better (depending on circumstances actually, but most of the case). I don't know why though heheh it's the confidence factor though. And it also depends who you're playing. For instance...... when you're performing solo, there's no one to compete against except the expectation of the crowd. The reason why it's so tense and so hard to perform is because whilst you're performing you're not given any indication whether you're playing well or not. The spotlight is on you, crowd is so silent, your little actions become amplified by your expression (thats why people practise in front of a mirror so they know when they're making weird faces when they get things wrong, so they can correct that). But when you're playing badminton, for me, if i'm playing someone who's not as good, with people around i play better.... but if this person is heaps better than me, and can beat me comfortably, then with people around, i panic. Why? Because little mistakes in your game already will make a difference i your losing score, and the freedom to try new things and also relax and play your own fun game might cause u to lose even quicker....... that's why i've never really pursued all that training, all that competition, all that yee haa woo hoo........ purely coz......badminton is a source of entertainment. It's a game...... it's something you need to enjoy and have fun with. People say you need to get better to have more fun..... maybe........same with music though, although i do want to get better with that. But when times are tough, and i just need to tune out.... somehow the nice harmonies that are produced by my piano always seem to reassure me that there's something that's there for me to resort to.
I think the easiest and best chord progression that i can think of, that really soothes....... is something that goes like this.....
D D/F# Gmaj7 A4
and after repeating that ever so often it becomes a nice basis for music. or....... this is nice tooo
Bb Bb/Eb Bb/F Bb/Eb Bb
so that's a Bb base and then changing ur right hand slowly moving from Bb to Eb to F to Eb and back to Bb. The Bb/F is the one you gotta listen out for because that's something that's very nice because notes are so tight together.... okay back to earth for the not so keen music people............
So why is Eric spending all this time writing this when he has exams? Mmmm, meh who knows. Exam period is a time where people do spend time thinking about the most ridiculously unrelated things that come to mind because one you're already stressed exams and two you're probably making things stressful in your life because they're already stressful.
The darkness has taken away the last remains of the sun's flow in the sky. The complete blackness has now shaded the sky. I'm looking outside my window and i see just the glow of orange and white street lights. I hear the rain tapping at the window sill but the sound it makes isn't as peaceful as how i used to listen to rain. The sound it makes now is quite sharp and clanky, sounding like a hollow plastic board..... but when i was young, and i used to live in ivanhoe, the sound it made when it hid the bricks, or even the garden around our house would always be very soft and gentle. The water trickling down the window would lull you to sleep. Maybe things change when you grow up, but i think that things that you hold and value as important to you shouldn't change. Don't ever let this world change your views on injustice, cruelty, hope, faith and love. Don't be part of the norm =o
I don't know what i'm saying...... i think i'll just publish this post coz i wanna go take a shower and get an early night =o
